Starting today, because our wonderful Congressmen couldn’t get along and pass a budget bill, the federal government of the United States of America is shutting down.
And I am getting like 40 emails per hour telling me why so-and-so is to blame for destroying America.
So I did some research to make sure I had all the necessary provisions for surviving the oncoming holocaust, and came to 7 important conclusions that made me feel a whole lot better about all of this:
7) Essential services continue running.
– It’s a huge, unnecessarily scary misnomer. All government occupations are divided into 2 categories: “essential” and “non-essential.” Workers in the former group keep up the routine. The others are on pause.
6) It won’t last very long.
– If it lasts for like a week, nothing will really happen. And if it lasts 3 weeks-1 month+, the damage will be far more serious. Hence why it won’t last too long. Children fight, but they’re still family, and once our elected officials realize they’ve half-nelsoned the whole household, they’ll (momentarily) grow up.
5) It was so predictable, it was inevitable. Do you freak out every time the sun comes up?
4) If we give them attention, they’ll never change.
– I’m not saying it’s not a serious issue, but if we continue yelling and screaming at each other because we’re so convinced one side or the other is directly responsible for killing the government, then they’re going to keep the level of discourse down in the mud where nothing is constructive. Or even coherent.
3) This is what the media wants.
– Similar to the above argument, it keeps the national conversation at a disheartening level of stupid. But worse than that, it encourages this sensationalistic style of journalism that is not only transparently partisan, but also devoid of the cold logic I have come to expect from repositories of neutral information. Where is the historical background? Why are we observing politics the same way we observe a football game?
2) Speaking of historical background, this has happened before. Several times. SPOILER ALERT: We survived.
1) We all hate the government anyway.
– Shut it down, I say! Congress has an all-time low approval rating of 10%. I think the only way we could like them less is if they actually *return* to work.
Maybe the best thing to come of this is that our Top Secret Facebook profiles might actually be private for a few days.
– THE DUEL CITIZEN